Emmanuel

Our baby was stillborn on 26th April 2011.

We are unsure as to the gender of the baby, who we were able to say hello and goodbye to yesterday.  They were beautiful.  King David said of his baby that passed away in 2 Samuel that he would go to him, and we believe that we will see our baby again.

Our baby's name is Emmanuel, which means God With Us.  We called them this because despite this being the hardest thing that we have ever been through, we know that God is with us, He never leaves us, He gives us strength and peace and lifts our heads.

Thank you for sharing in our excitement with us over the last few months.  I will probably share more of my thoughts about this on my own blog.

18 weeks...

Sooo...about 22 weeks to go! Not that I'm counting down. While I'm loving baking our little treasure, this has been a tough pregnancy - physically - I have to admit.

Eighteen weeks in, now in our fifth month or down 126 days, our baby is between 11cm - 13cm long. Her legs are longer than her arms and she can wriggle and stretch! Today, we were called into see a doctor (long story; I've had a water infection which I apparently had for a week previously - that's how much I pay attention - and they thought it had spread to the kidneys. Blood, gunk and all that. Not pretty. I shant go into it. Actually convinced I was in labour - excruciating pain last night so I rang the midwife who told me to scoot into the gynae ward but we left it 'til this afternoon.) and we saw our little fish again! As the doctor was showing Daddy, the baby jumped very hard which looked big and dramatic on the screen but I just felt a tiny tap. Precious it was. No photos from this one though, it was just to check the heartbeat and that the baby was ok! Which they very much are, thank the Lord. In BabyLand, her chest moves up and down to mimic breathing. Her blood vessels are visible through her thin skin, and her ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from her head a bit, I imagine a little Shrek like.

Josiah is starting to notice my tummy now and has started playing Peek-a-Boo with it (it's very hysterical!) and giving little kisses. Beautiful, love it. We now have Baby which was an Easter gift from Granny C & Granddad along with a super buggy. This is to get Josiah used to little ones and he's been so good and gentle so far. With the occasional sticking of thumbs in the eyes etc. But many kisses, cuddles and strokes down the line, he is actually the cutest 15 month old in the history of the world, especially when you see him with babies, real or plastic.

I can't wait for three to become four!!

A Father Writes ... about girls.

I wish to make the following clear: I will happily accept a daughter, on the proviso that at one point in my life, my precious princess says "Daddy, my daddy!" after I get off a train <sobs>

A Father Writes ...

So I suppose the question that so many of the readers are wanting to know in this my first post to this blog is "does John want a boy or a girl?".

There is a fair to good chance that this is going to be it for us, the last sprog which we decide to create (or are enabled to create by our Heavenly Father, depending on your world view), bearing in mind how much physical pain Stel has been in already (23 weeks to go!).  And so,with that in mind, I find myself having far stronger views on what the gender of our little one is going to be.

In many ways, I would like another boy.  In terms of physiology I know where I am at with a boy.  There's nothing foreign anywhere for me to get to grips with, as it were.  I know what I'm doing.  Plus we have an awesome boy's name lined up, he can play football etc. with Jo (not that a girl can't), and they would be the cutest two little kids you ever would see.

But on the other hand, I already have a boy, and it would be marvelous to also have a little princess, with a little wool cap in the winter, and a bonnet in the summer, playing with her dolls ... yeah I want another boy.  Sorry baby if you're a girl.

Ow...

I had no idea Braxton Hicks were so uncomfortable, really crampy! They started yesterday morning, much to my surprise. The only experience I've ever had with them was when I was carrying Josiah and they really didn't hurt or even feel uncomfortable, I just felt my tummy get very tight all of a sudden. They were absolutely painless. Now I understand why doctors and midwives are at such loggerheads about them; some claim you shouldn't feel them, some claim you should. I read they start about six weeks of your pregnancy. But, the more pregnancies you have, the more you will feel them. Odd hey? One of the reasons I might be feeling them more intensely at present, is because our little fish is undergoing a growth spurt over the next few weeks.

It's really amazing having all these pregnancy quandaries again - I love being pregnant!

17 weeks...

It actually doesn't seem possible. Just a few more weeks to go until we see our little fish again, who is now nearly 11cm long from crown to rump! His eyes look forward instead of to the sides, their ears are almost in their final place, and the rubbery cartilage that will become his skeleton is about to start hardening into bone. A protective substance called myelin slowly begins to wrap around his spinal cord. Sweat glands are starting to develop all over his body. Just as he grows bigger, the umbilical cord, his lifeline to the placenta, is growing stronger and thicker, too. Enough about the placenta though. We don't want to make certain aunties pass out and hit the floor.

My ever expanding uterus has done something to my centre of gravity and I've been all over the shop, especially today (no pun intended!). Walking into things has become a way of life now, I definitely remember this from last time!

Sleep has been interrupted ever since the beginning of the first trimester, and not because Josiah is up all hours, but because I am, for no reason in particular, except my body has decided it must be so. Do not like. And most certainly do not appreciate. My bladder appears to be filling quick and fast at night though.

The great thing is that I am definitely getting my energy back so Jo and I have been having excellent fun, chasing each other around the playground and rolling about the living room floor. The rolling with Mummy will probably have to stop fairly soon though. Shape wise, the smooth rolling wouldn't really work.

And thanks to hayfever (this is why you don't get pregnant so your heaviest time is in the summer) I have been sneezing a lot and it always seems to happen when I'm sitting in a certain position and catch a muscle in my tummy. It hurts! This is pretty much down to all that stretching going on. Like my tummy could possibly stretch anymore. Ha! But it can, apparently.

The other weekend, we were at my folks for the first BBQ of the year. For some reason, we thought it would be a laugh to have our blood sugar tested as soon as we finished eating. One by one, we did. I had the highest, at 7.9 (John was 6.2 - my dad was 4.2, despite polishing off an awful lot of food. How he wasn't in a coma before eating, I'll never know.) Anyway, so obviously I have to keep an eye on the sugar, particularly as diabetes is on the maternal side. Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish.

Signing off now! I've babbled a bit much.

Midwife appointment...

I had my midwife appointment today.

Grace & Josiah accompanied me which was a treat. All well and good. We have a big African midwife who will see me through the whole pregnancy. I think she is smashing and makes me laugh a lot. Josiah wasn't too enamored with her, bless him, especially when she playfully growled at him for taking her seat (well, she had moved across the room to do other things - it was a leather seat with wheels too, he knows his tastes). Anyway. She confirmed there was indeed a baby in my tummy as she listened to the heartbeat, which I took as meaning our baby had a good strong one! It was lovely that Josiah was there to hear the heartbeat, and Grace too. The looks on their faces when they heard it was priceless! Josiah looked completely bewildered and couldn't take his eyes off my tummy and Grace's jaw quite literally fell to the floor.

Precious.

So the next appointment isn't 'til 28 weeks - second pregnancies they're less bothered by it appears! In the meantime, we have a scan, a glucose tolerance test and plenty of bopping about in mummy's tummy to get on with!

Can't wait.